Monday, January 7, 2013

Not so fast

In 2011 my brother called me and told me he had cancer.

Like a good nurse I listened. Like a good Christian I prayed. Like a good sister I encouraged. But in my heart, time was standing still.

“This isn’t happening. He is too young! He is too strong! Not MY brother! His body is NOT about to turn against him!” None of these indignant assertions matched any of the training and knowledge I had. In truth, I knew there was nothing he or I could do. He wasn’t too young. He wasn’t too strong. And with our family history, it wasn’t that surprising. But it was too close and it made me miserable.

I’ve read CA in so many charts for so many years. However, at that moment, all of my desensitization arrested as abruptly as a physical jolt of electricity. Something about my love, to imagine my brother, my pedestal...


In 2012, my dear friend suffered a breast cancer scare. I listen to her, prayed for her, encouraged her. This time, in my spirit I knew she wasn’t going anywhere. But my ache was for the anxious pain she felt. Her spirit wasn’t telling her the same thing mine was telling me. But then again, what if it were my breast? Would it soon be my turn? Will I be so confident?

So much fear…

On Facebook, I saw a high school friend. A model. A business woman. A fellow nurse… Draped in a hospital gown.

Cancer eating her. Reducing her …

As I walked the Relay for Life last year I looked at the luminaries with names, faces and obituaries. My heart swelled with mixed emotions. I could walk in the victory that my loved ones had survived. My Facebook friend still fighting. Still smiling. But circling the track, looking at the beautiful sea of lights, each one representing a painful story of tragedy or triumph, hope for a win in a battle most of which had already lost… and me with all my sass and determination: powerless.

But what if I’m not. What if I can do something…

I must do so with purpose.

Ladies, I’ve listened. I’ve prayed. I’ve encouraged.

Today ladies, I’m in this fight too.

Be a giver. Join our team or make a donation for April 2013’s Relay for Life Be Beauty for Ashes team at

Be Beauty for ashes


  1. Beautiful. How do I contribute? I know you are and will be my friend

  2. This is such a beautiful Narrative I love it, very heartfelt… I also have a friend of mine who’s aunt passed away from cancer and her mom just discovered she had cancerous cells and she would like to join is that okay?