Monday, September 28, 2009

The company you keep

When it comes to our favorite friends, we all have been guilty of finding ourselves behaving in ways we have grown out of. This is the defense mechanism regression. Defense mechanisms, by utilization, are employed when we are confronted with threats to our self image. Therefore, the question is if we are employing a defense mechanism, what are we defending ourselves from; particularly when we are regressing to patterns of behavior we were so proud we were so over? The reality is it is painful when we want our friends and the pleasure they bring but our grown woman self has evolve past the character of that relationship. Our friends reflect parts of us and because we are creatures of habit, not by choice but by instinct, even when we know better, it threatens us when we believe we have changed. It takes a mental elevation beyond our animalistic instinct to accept change as a positive process. If we live in love, and love our friends, we should never deprive them of the impact of our growth by dimming the light of our new knowledge to partake in the bliss of their ignorance.

Even if we take a loss in the closeness, we should love them enough to let the loss lead them toward growth.

Today ladies, do not conform.

Be beauty for ashes,


  1. Ummm excuse me…ur mind is too complex…can u put this is lemans term…LOL…so what were u really saying…

  2. 1- you shudn’t be afraid to grow
    2-don’t be afraid to allow ur friends to see your growth
    3- don't let yourself be ignorant just because you don't want to lose your friend
    4-lead by example
    5-let ur growth spread to them if u love them
    6- You may have stopped doing certain things a friend of your still is into but I don't think you should walk away from the relationship because you have grown. Perhaps the relationship is ready to become a mentorship. If you walk away from a woman you love, you leave her behind.

    I don't believe is walking away from people. I think God allows people in our lives as a part of what he is doing in our lives. if you stop being jane doe's friend, you miss what they represent in your life. perhaps Jane is a mission field for you. Perhaps God wants you to work in her life, even if she annoys you. I think as women we tend to be disposible to one another when we should be stregthening each other, not at the cost of what is good about us, but at the cost of our selfish desire to only want to be in our comfort zone. I believe we could love ourselves more if we learned how to love each other more. Certainly, there are women in my life that don't participate in some of the things I participate in cause they are too grown for that. they make me better being who they are and I'm greatful they don't disgard me because i'm not there yet.

  3. Oh ok…

    ...I do agree with you in parts, but in other’s I don’t…I don’t agree that everyone is meant to be in your life forever…cuz the Bible says if you are of God the world will not like you, they won’t want to share your company…& I don’t think all people we meet are of God my opinion…until recently even though I grew up in church I think I straddled the fence…and yes you do encourage each other and “mentor” or fellowship people into Christ…

    But sometimes I don’t think we ourselves are at a point where we can foster much more…

    ... I know for me personally…I decided to let some friendships go…becuz I felt like they weren’t being “good” friends…they weren’t being supportive of me…their attitudes weren’t always the best… the negativity was starting to change who I am…I even let me relationship go becuz of the same thing…it was changing me for the worst…Not that I had anything personal against anybody…I held on to the one relationship that meant the most to me cuz it went so far back eventhough that relationship caused me some hurt some times (& the feelings might have been vice versa)…but other than that…I pretty much severed ties with the rest…

    ...So any way all said I agree but I don’t…I think sometimes people need to be filtered out…if they cause more hurt than harm…
    But if simply u all don’t like doing the same things that’s cool…cuz friends are meant to be there in IMPORTANT times…not to be around all the time 24/7 like u attached by the hip…My opinion!!!

  4. Thanks for your comments.

    I agree that a lot of people we assoicate with are not in our lives forever, and we can sometimes try to force seasonal relatinships to last past their expiration dates.I preface everything I'm saying with the fact that the Bible calls us not to be unequally yoked with the world.No Christian should be in close friendships with the world. We are required, however, to live before the world. The bible states In Mathew 28:19-20 to "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." This gives us a responsiblity to deal with the world. I agree with what you say about remaining nice to peole you no longer like. The bible comands that of us in Romans 12:17-18 "Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." The bible calls us as Christians to have brotherly love toward one another in Romans 12:10"Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another". We have to love our unsaved friends because unsaved people see Christ through us. If we don't they will never see Christ's love.

    As long as we live in Christ, he will allow us to go through siutations and meet people that he wants us to deal with because that is a part of the way he deals with us. We shouldn't stop dealling with our mother because we got saved and shes not saved. We have to live before her, and love her as Christ loved us before we were saved so we have evagelism them.

    The frienship I'm speaking about is not hanging out, kicking back drinks, going to the movies. Its a love interaction that should glorify God. Love is not about how I feel or who I like. I think there is a point in all of our walks when we have to cut ties and cling to get our "milk" from Christ. The Bible talks about the babe stages. And I certainly agree that we have to forsake all to follow Christ. After we have gotten through that stage and have chosen the right people to be in fellowship with, we will still find ourselves growing out of certain activites even with Christians. We are servants in Christ. We have to look past ourselves, our comfort zones and look at every aspect of our lives as missions for serving Christ. If we take the philosophy to not deal with people that make us feel uncomfortable, are less mature than we are, or annoy us with their personalities we will not be serving Christ we are only serving ourselves.